As I’m typing this, my eyes keep shifting to the right. To the tab where my Hail Mary is. The Chat GPT tab. The tool I use when I have a great idea and trouble digging it up from the deep crevices of my mind. The Master Polisher for texts that feel too important to ship without a supervision, or at least without a second opinion of an entity with computing capacities exceeding my own by unmeasurably far. The consigliere to my don.
Must. Not. Look.
B-b-b-but… What if my English sucks noodles and nobody can understand me? Or even worse, my ideas? What if I’m not making any sense?
STOP!
Just stop spiraling, babe. A deeper, less panicky voice somewhere in the back of my mind commands and I obey like the good girl I am. [I’m not but reading a certain type of literature leaves its imprint on an innocent mind. Ok, I’m lying again. There is nothing innocent about me. And I’m also going somewhere where I didn’t want to go in the first place. Help! I need my GPT to keep me in line!]
Must. Not. Click.
Deep breath in, deep breath out. I am back. I resisted. I didn’t go back to my toxic relationship with AI. This is all me. Raw, unfiltered. A little scared.
But I can’t run away from AI. Nobody can. It’s everywhere and won’t go away. On the contrary. I might not have clicked on my GPT tab but the moment I google something, there is Gemini. The images I use for my web? Leonardo, the almighty and omnipotent AI creation. I am still resisting using Claude to run my organization but man, it saves so much time!
AI is great. Until it isn’t. Funny, I used to say the same thing about drugs.
Last week I reconnected with a friend of mine from two decades ago. It made me very happy and naturally, I wanted to make a good impression. Hey, I’m still witty and funny! I still got it! And then I caught myself wanting to run my messages through GPT (pronounced Geppetto). WTF? Do I really want to filter myself in front of a friend with whom I once shared my deepest thoughts? Worse, do I not trust my own writing?
Up until now, I’ve been using AI in my daily work for everything but stories I submit to various contests. I have a raging ADHD and I love how brainstorming with GPT keeps me focused. But that message to my friend was a wake up call.
However, I’m not ready to give up my virtual adderall. I made a decision. The key is not to abandon AI altogether but rather use it mindfully. There. This is the way.
I wish I could happily close with this statement but there’s that deep voice again. I can actually see him raising an imaginary eyebrow. “Didn’t you use the same justification for weed?”
Crap.
PS 1: This article is a thought post on the effects of a regular use of artificial intelligence and I am proud to say no AI was used in its writing. It did take some serious restraint.
PS 2: I caved and ran it through GPT. That bastard very rightfully pointed out that I was playing it safe. That what I was really writing about was the fear of the loss of authenticity, the doubts about my unassisted self, and honestly, about the fright of the future it brings. All issues that deserve to be touched deeper. But it would be cheating if I used this knowledge to alter this particular article. So here is to hope for a new, better one in the future. And yes, I’m choosing to delay the discomfort. Turns out I’m not that brave at this moment after all.
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